How to face your vices during the holidays

Holidays surround us with friends and family, rich foods, strong drink, and a few days off to enjoy them. And this is why our vices so often choose the holiday season to revolt against us. The days we set aside for bonding and celebration are a killing field for our best intentions regarding fitness, healthy eating, and general self-control. Festive winds favour the forces of vice, which can leave us heavy of gut, light of wallet, and perhaps a little hungover.

What can we do to face up to our vices on their home turf? Evan Newton is a counsellor at Bellwood Health Services who specializes in addiction. He explained what makes the holidays so ripe for indulgence and how to avoid completely losing control and feeling bad about it afterwards.

What's out to get you

What is it about the holidays that encourages vice? Newton identified three major factors that tip the balance towards indulgence.

1. Exposure

During the holidays we come face-to-face with the things that, normally, we'd like to resist: rich food and drink, spending opportunities, bitter but irresistible squabbles with family members. The proverbial and literal bag of chips sits open before us, and it's hard not to reach for it.

2. Permission

Under normal circumstances, we maintain an entire range of defences against our desires. As Newton puts it, "We're always inhibiting ourselves, we're always striving for moderation. We're always living with these taboos, and rules." We know that good people follow the rules, and so do we.  

Newton explained that, before breaking the rules, most people need an excuse. They have to offer themselves some kind of explanation why indulging doesn't make them a bad person. "And that's the problem with the holidays: permissions abound. 'It's a special occasion'; 'I've been so good for so long'; 'My family is stressing me out'. It's so easy to justify indulging on the holidays because the culture condones it." It's not just the abundance of temptation that makes the holidays so dangerous, it's socially-sanctioned license to indulge.

On a normal September Tuesday, there is nothing telling us it's OK to eat three slices of pumpkin pie for second dinner. Yet on Thanksgiving, this is not only acceptable; it may be the only fitting tribute to aunt Deb's baking.

3. Family

In Newton's words, "No one can push our buttons quite like our family. Going back into old settings and acting in those old roles can be particularly trying. There is the festive nature of the partying, but also the strife." Love 'em, hate 'em, or both, being around family can cause a lot of stress and anxiety. This extra mental burden can drain our willpower and make it harder to resist temptation when it hits.

Setting up defences

The best strategy for countering vice will depend a lot on circumstance. For many of Newton's clients who are in recovery from addiction, the best strategy is to simply avoid certain parties or situations where they will be exposed to the things they are trying to resist. Sometimes, minor tactical tricks can impede overindulgence. If you are worried about drinking too much at a holiday party, Newton suggest showing up late and/or keeping a non-alcoholic beverage in your hand. This doesn't mean you can't indulge at all, but these strategies can help you to avoid overdoing it.

Although it's natural to relax our standards and practices during the holidays, we shouldn't give them up entirely. "Don't totally abandon the things that sustain you, like exercise, or solitude, or whatever you need to create some balance" says Newton. Just because you are bending the rules a little, it doesn't mean all bets are off. Keeping that in mind can keep vice in check.

Goal-setting is also an effective strategy, provided you set the right kinds of goals. Newton says that specific and measurable objectives work best. Don't just say "I overdid it last year; I need to tone it down." Say "I'm only going to have two drinks this time around". According to Newton, "The more specific the goal, the more likely the person is to achieve it. This is true for anything, whether it's eating, drinking, or spending. You want to set a concrete metric."

Once you have set your goals, Newton recommends you tell other people. Sometimes the secret guilt of not living up to your goals isn't enough to get you there. Making your goals public adds the shame of being seen to fall short.

Feast before the fast

For some of his clients, holiday indulgence poses the threat of long-term relapse. Newton says, "Denial is a problem for people with addiction. They often really love the substance. It does so much for them that it's very hard for them to be honest with how much it's hurting them."

However, for many a little holiday celebration may be a good thing: "Every single culture in the world ever has feasts days and festivals. In Europe they'd have carnivals where the jester is king for the day and the king is the jester and everything's topsy-turvy. There are a couple days of drunkenness and license to do whatever you want. I think that ultimately we need that."

Now we are faced with a question. Should we indulge? To what extent should we do so? Are we being overpowered by our vices or are we giving ourselves a justifiable break? Sometimes it's hard to tell. When our desires are very strong the can overpower our more considered intentions. When this happens, Newton advises: "Know that it's your primal brain taking your rational brain for a ride." Our aim should be "to empower the higher part of the brain that puts the brakes on things." The strategies above can help us do so and can promote more mindful decision-making around indulging our desires.

Clifton Mark is a former academic with more interests than make sense in academia. He writes about philosophy, psychology, politics, and pastimes. If it matters to you, his PhD is in political theory. Find him @Clifton_Mark on Twitter.