Parenting advice can be overwhelming. Is it better to share your story or keep it to yourself?

This story is part of Amy Bell's Parental Guidance column, which airs on CBC Radio One's The Early Edition.

Advice on parenting begins the second you find out you're expecting. From close friends and family to a random stranger on the street, it can be overwhelming. 

While some of it is sweet and incredibly well intentioned, some of it is graphic and horrifying. 

Take birth stories, for example. The more gruesome they are, the more people seem to want to share them. 

Emma Devin, a doula who provides support before, during and after childbirth, cautions that while those stories are true to one person's experience, it won't be true for everyone. 

"I think it's really easy to get caught in the loop of these scary stories or this scary advice without actually really understanding what the nuances are behind it and maybe the really specific reason behind this scary thing that happened," Devin said. 

While there may be things you want to prepare people for, Devin says it's important to first think if someone wants or needs to hear your pearls of wisdom. 

"I would say think about why you're sharing something specific. Think about why you're wanting to share it with this new parent. Is it to be helpful? Think about why you're sharing it as opposed to what it is," said Devin. "If someone's pregnant. Maybe ask consent before starting to throw advice." 

Stop and think before you (over)share

Sometimes it does help to have a heads-up for the trickier aspects of parenting.

I sometimes wish Hallmark made a card that said, "Congratulations on your baby to be! Just wait until you see what happens to your private parts!" because I felt a little unprepared by what happened when I was expecting. 

Devin assured me that despite how monumental and possibly traumatic some things seem while you are experiencing them, the mind has a way of forgetting and focusing on the next big thing. 

"It's almost as if the edges get dulled or blurred of that time," Devin said. "So you're like, 'Oh right, my nipples were cracking and falling off. Like, I totally forgot about that.'"

But would anyone have kids if we gave brutally honest advice? Maybe not. But maybe that wouldn't be a bad thing?

There is something to be said for being forewarned about what life as a parent may look like. Candice Johnston has a lot of experience in this arena. She's experienced one pregnancy loss, gave birth to her own two daughters, and also acted as a surrogate for friends.

Recently her friends asked if they should have kids.

"I really told them I'm probably not the right person for you to be talking to about this," says Johnston. "Because if I knew then what I know now, I might have gone about things differently." 

Some advice is worth listening to

But there is some advice I think all parents need to hear.

It's not about what stroller you use, if the bottle or breast is best, or if you should get that rash looked at. 

It's about remembering that you are more than just a parent. You are a full person capable of many things, one of which is showing your children how much they are loved and cared for while also loving and taking care of yourself. 

"Push through and try and remember that you are a human and you exist and you need to take care of you first before you can really even give anything to anyone," says Johnston.

In the end, every pregnancy, parent or child is so unique that advice is almost pointless. It's like trying to describe a colour that's never been seen before on Earth.

But at the same time, it's also a universal experience that we are all touched by and capable of influencing.

Maybe if we can foster an openness between parents, and those who might want to become parents, the crazy path to having a child can be demystified a bit and any advice can be shared in a space that works for everyone.

Unless it's really, really gross. Some things are best left unsaid.