Are we too easily offended? CBC Asks why we react, and how to change the conversation
Whether it's the office, kitchen table or online, how do we understand each other better?
Rick Koss says he's "that guy."
He's a middle-aged white Christian who says he's honestly trying to keep up with what he calls the moving goalposts of acceptable behaviour.
He wants to learn more, but doesn't know how to do to it without offending, especially when it comes to people who are LGBT.
"To be honest, when I hear someone talk about how they identify as somebody, it confuses me," he said.
"When that is different from my … understanding or 63 years of experience, then it really throws me for a loop and I don't know what to do with that.
"Frankly, it feels like every week there's another one, and I don't know what they are."
But he gets offended when someone uses an "ist" or a "phobic" word because he's confused.
"You get it wrong, so you get dismissed."
CBC Asks: No Offence brought together people who want to change the conversation.
What if someone tells you what you've said is offensive, but you had no idea? Do you get offended back?
What do you do when someone says something that offends you? Do you call them racist, sexist, homophobic? Or how do you turn that comment into something constructive?
Koss's attempt to learn hit home with Ellie Caslake, who until two years ago lived her life as a man.
"You're honest and forthright, and you speak with respect and empathy. You acknowledge that you don't know, but you want to find out. That's incredible," Caslake said.
Casklake said it's all about intention — and that's how she bases her reaction.
"It's never done me any good in my life to get angry," she said.
So when a close friend recently used her old name from when she lived as a man, Caslake wasn't offended. But when someone at the grocery store kept calling her "sir," it felt very different.
"I know when someone is intending to hurt me," she said.
Ryan Beardy, an advocate and mentor for at-risk kids, used to be, in his words, a "harm creator."
When people said racist things to him, his reaction was violent when he was younger.
"I think a lot of times we are quick to [label] someone as a racist, but maybe there's an opportunity there to learn … or to teach. So when I get offended, I take it as an opportunity to teach. Maybe they don't understand."
It's important for everyone to have those conversations, even if they aren't the offended person, Beardy said.
"Just looking at my social media feed, there are a plethora of incidents that are happening in our city, in our community and in our country right now that's not being confronted by allies. I think you have to stand up and speak up against it."
Even then, there will be times when people are incorrect, he said.
"It boils down to intention."
Watch the entire CBC Asks: No Offence on Facebook live below.
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