Winnipeg mom in a 'CFS nightmare' after someone calls in 'slapping' complaint

A Winnipeg mom says she's living a 'CFS nightmare' amidst an investigation by the Child and Family Services System over complaints that she slaps her children across the face as discipline and has conflict in the home.

Cynthia Ramos-Murray says her 11-year-old daughter was pulled out of class by a CFS social worker last Tuesday. She was asked about how her parents disciplined her, whether she felt safe and whether there was fighting in the home.

Two days later, Ramos-Murray said a social worker called to say they'd received two reports from someone regarding her eldest daughter: that there was conflict in the home, and that she and her husband use physical discipline by 'slapping their children across the face.' 

Both reports, according to Ramos-Murray, are completely false.

"It's been hell," she said.

"It's the most stressful situation I've been through, realizing what was actually happening. I cried for almost a day."

She said the most troubling part is she doesn't know who made the 'baseless' complaints.

"We don't physically discipline our children," she said, explaining they take away 'luxuries' or put them in time outs for misbehaviour.

"If my husband and I have a conflict, we deal with it once they're in bed. We have no time to argue, we are so busy with dance and swimming and soccer and just doing family time," she said.

On Thursday, the social worker visited Ramos-Murray and did the safety assessment, asking a long list of questions.

"About my home life, my marriage, how we discipline our kids, past practices that we bring over from our family," said Ramos-Murray, who identifies as a proud member of Winnipeg's Filipino community.

"She looked around our house making sure the kids have proper sleeping areas."

When Ramos-Murray asked if the file would be closed, the worker told her no— not yet anyway. The case is now under review.

"It was just really hard to feel comfortable in our own home," said Ramos-Murray.

"It was an invasion of privacy that really hurt."

Sandie Stoker is the executive director of Child and Family All Nations Co-ordinated Response Network, otherwise known as ANCR, an intake agency for CFS.

The agency looks into all complaints of inappropriate physical discipline.

"Our first step is to go and interview children in a safe and neutral environment, like at school or another area where there are no outside influences, ensuring there are no leading questions," said Stoker, adding while CFS does not support any form of physical discipline, only discipline using an 'implement' or force to the head is illegal.

Stoker says many of the complaints they receive are unsubstantiated upon investigation, but it's rare that a person calls in a complaint out of malice rather than concern. Stoker said the agency can pursue a summary conviction against someone calling in false complaints, though to her knowledge it's never happened before.

​Ramos-Murray said the experience has been 'devastating' for her and her husband.

"It's ludicrous, I think it's sad, unfortunate, overblown," said Jason Murray. 

"It's unfortunate that a service like this gets sent on a wild goose chase basically, like if you ask anybody that knows Cynthia and I, they'd tell you that we're incapable of doing what we're being accused of.

"For me to even hear that a child is being abused in any way, shape or form, I can't stand to hear that."

Ramos-Murray posted about the experience on Facebook and has received a flood of support from friends and family members. She said her daughter's teacher reassured her that she has no concerns; others have offered to vouch for her to CFS.

"We definitely don't want to disempower parents, that is not our intention at all, but we do want to make sure that children are safe and healthy and that's within their families," said Stoker.

Ramos-Murray agrees the CFS has a job to keep children safe; she just wishes they had a way of quickly filtering out complaints that are un-founded.

"We don't know how to parent our kids any more. We feel like we're under a microscope. We feel that we're going to be criticized or judged now," said Ramos-Murray.

"I just feel that my natural ability to parent my kids has been stripped away from me. Because it's everybody else's opinion now," sayd Ramos- Murray. 

Ramos-Murray says she has an idea of who the person might be who made the complaint, but doesn't plan to follow up with them, and instead hopes the case is closed so she and her family can move on.

"Even if it is a false claim, my name will never be removed from their system. It's really disappointing. It's unnecessary hardship on a lot of families," she said.

When asked about whether the allegations had actually happened to her, Ramos-Murray's 11 year old daughter replied emphatically "No, and I've never said that ever."

​Ramos-Murray says she's always considered herself a good parent and person, taking pride in volunteering for her community and in being the best mom she can be.

"For someone to just be able to pick up a phone and ruin that, it's devastating."