Making a fist a big deal for prolific musician Jerry Stamp
New album is especially personal for St. John's singer/songwriter
Life hasn't been easy for St. John's singer/songwriter Jerry Stamp in recent years, but he credits his love of music and performing with keeping him from falling into total despair.
After years of crippling pain in his joints and an exhaustive effort to find out the cause, he was finally diagnosed in March with an inflammatory autoimmune disorder called psoriatic arthritis.
The process of getting a diagnosis was a long and frustrating one, he says, involving more than a dozen medical specialists over a period of nearly five years.
He said it wasn't uncommon for a perplexed doctor to say, 'I don't know. Get some Aleve. Good luck."
His health odyssey began more than a decade ago when he started noticing a bruise on the big toe of his left foot.
It never seemed to go away.
Over the years, he started feeling increasing pain in his joints and patches of psoriasis on his skin.
In the spring of 2010, he started getting pain in the ring finger on his left hand. Ironically, it was about the same time he ended a relationship.
He initially thought he was suffering from some sort of repetitive stress disorder or even tendinitis.
If only he could have been so lucky.
Getting harder to earn a living
His condition quickly deteriorated, and a plan to record an album in 2011 was put on the back-burner because of the pain in his hands.
It was a shocking setback for a classically-trained musician who thrives on stage, and could perform night after night.
He eventually had to adjust the way he plays guitar, and his condition often requires that he clear his throat.
He now walks with a cane, endures mind-numbing pain, and is barely able to earn a living.
He faces mounting drugs costs, and his application for disability benefits from the federal government was recently rejected because he doesn't have what's deemed a "full-time disability."
One adviser recently asked Stamp if he considered applying for welfare benefits.
Jerry the medical researcher
Desperate for some answers to his condition, Stamp started doing his own medical research.
At first he turned to the internet, and then his mother's old nursing studies textbooks.
It wasn't until he read an article about golfing professional Phil Mickelson that the pieces started falling into place.
Mickelson was among the world's best, but his game started to suffer.
He was eventually diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis, and it was a revelation for Stamp.
In one sense, it was a relief to finally have an explanation for the years of discomfort
How about some bottled rage to go with that song?
When you have a disorder with no known cure, it brings added meaning to everything that's important in your life.
He realized late last year that if he didn't soon record another album, he probably never would.
It wasn't easy, but Rogue Doubt, his sixth album, quickly became an emotional journey fuelled in part by the challenges that life has thrown his way.
He likes to point out that Rogue Doubt wasn’t made in spite of his struggles. It was made because of them.
Because of his limited playing ability, Stamp recorded the bed tracks for his guitar and vocals at home, and then watched in the studio as other musicians recorded their parts.
"In a way I think it was much better than the traditional experience of playing together because I could be more dramaturgical about it and have a little bit more control over what was happening, bar to bar," Stamp said.
Songs like Ring Finger and Firing Line are deeply personal.
It's not surprising that someone whose life has been consumed with music would use his singing and songwriting abilities to express his feelings, including what he admits is some "bottled rage" in Ring Finger.
"My options are complete and utter despair or be positive. At this point in time, you have to be positive," Stamp said during an interview with CBC last week.
Managing the pain is a costly undertaking
Stamp said the latest and most effective drugs can cost upwards of $24,000 per year.
"Because they're so expensive, government health care plans don't want to cover them, so they make you try a number of cheaper drugs that are not necessarily designed for psoriatic arthritis, but have been known in some cases to help," said Stamp.
"So you do a lot of waiting around trying drugs that are either having no effect or sometimes lots of side effects. In my case so far, none of those have worked."
Stamp began a new drug recently, and the early signs are positive.
For the first time in three years, he said, he can now make a fist.
For most of us, it's basic human mechanics.
For Stamp, it means he will be able to continue his love affair with music for just a little longer.
With files from Ramona Dearing