How to choose your limited social circle as physical distancing rules relax

Physical distancing has meant not seeing many of our loved ones for quite some time. 

Great news, though: Saskatchewan's chief medical health officer Dr. Saqib Shahab recently said that small gatherings between two or three households are allowed now. Shahab clarified that we should try and stay within that limited circle. This raises the question: Which of your loved ones make the cut? 

You might be tempted to cheat the system and stack friends and family members under a trenchcoat and claim them as a single person, but that's not medically sound, nor is grandma load-bearing. You're going to have to make some tough choices. 

We're all forced to play the twisted game of Survivor: Who Do I Love Most? edition. This is a contest we've been training for our whole lives: taking people we care deeply about and harshly judging them. If you think it's cruel to cut off your in-law Auntie Susan from your quarantine BBQ just because she's a mouth breather, remember your pettiness will save the world.

You're going to have to compare each of your companions with scientific rigor. Will they get boring after six weekends in a row of trading pandemic updates and skimmed news headlines? Will they bring beer? Do they smell? Most importantly, how long can they tolerate your boring, beerless, smelly self?

Consider this the ultimate spring cleaning; it's Marie Kondo, only instead of sparking joy, you'll be destroying relationships.- Devin Pacholik

Think economically. You might be tempted to choose high-value personalities — dynamic people with consistent conversational output. Seems like a good idea, but your brain isn't ready for that. You've been binging TV and talking to your pets about Tiger King conspiracy theories for weeks now. Stick with your low-speed, discount friends. You can be awkward together, and they're definitely available.

While you're narrowing down the list, use your invitations strategically. Throw out a few tease invites to the power players in your life. A vague "thinking of having some cool people over" text with no follow up is all it takes to assert your dominance. See what they can offer your inner circle. As ancient military strategist Sun Tzu says in The Art of War, "Be like Regina George in Mean Girls."

Breaking the news to anyone who didn't make it on your guest list is going to be tough, especially when you inevitably break up a couple by only picking one of them. Consider this the ultimate spring cleaning; it's Marie Kondo, only instead of sparking joy, you'll be destroying relationships.

Keep one thing in mind: Anyone who doesn't invite you into their chosen-ones circle is sending a clear message. Your third cousin, whose posts you occasionally see on Instagram but rarely talk to, might have perfectly good reasons for picking their children instead of you during this, but they could have at least offered.

That said, I'm available. Please.

This column is part of CBC's Opinion section. For more information about this section, please read this editor's blog and our FAQ.

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