A resolution for Sask. in 2022: Make the online space a safe one for women
I have thick skin. But I also have my limits
This Opinion piece was written by Tenille Lafontaine is a blogger and media spokesperson in Regina, Sask.
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On any given weekend morning, you can find me on the sofa with the dogs at my side, swiping through social media and tweeting while I sip my morning java. On one recent morning like this, I saw something that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
A nameless Twitter account, clearly male, reacted to a tweet of mine by commenting that what I'd said was a "good way to get yourself shot." Another account replied, "Let's hope he's right. I wish someone would set up a go fund me. Or I could donate the ammunition."
I promptly put my coffee down. It felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest.
My 10-year-old daughter looked up and asked what was wrong. Should I tell her? Parenting books don't tell us how to react when two men fantasize publicly about killing you.
Anonymous misogyny
I've been a "mommy blogger" for more than a decade, and done spots on TV and radio. Commentary and social media debates come with the territory. I remember doing a TV commercial for a large fast-food chain in 2012, then reading a tweet saying I was a horrible mother and should have my children taken away because I fed them hamburgers and worked with this chain.
I have thick skin. But I also have my limits.
Women who post on social media in this province are no strangers to anonymous accounts set up specifically to troll public figures. The jabs and insults quickly escalate into public threats. It's a big, gross, not-so-secret here in Saskatchewan.
Maybe this shouldn't be surprising. Saskatchewan's rates of domestic violence and abuse top the nation, year after year. The misogyny, social inequity and patriarchy within households in our province — once hidden behind doors while the neighbours pretended not to see — has now found a warm embrace online in the form of these largely anonymous accounts.
This abuse is motivated by a need to dominate, to beat the other person, to win influence or power, to "shut her up," whether it's punching her in the bedroom or writing online that a woman should be hung on a wall or raped (threats I've received in my feed recently).
Burying your head in the sand only encourages the loudest misogynists and trolls.- Tenille Lafontaine
Women who transgress patriarchal stereotypes, who use their real names and photos, who dare express their opinions widely are the ones who wake up to graphic and vile threats. We're the ones who walk with our keys between our fingers, wondering if this is our unlucky night. And the hate I receive as a Caucasian woman is mild compared to the violence minority women face. Insecure men love to abuse women who don't fit their preconceived notion of what a woman should be.
I block. I mute. I ignore. And I will keep on writing and sharing. Every voice men silence, whether permanently or through intimidation on social media, is one fewer woman here to fight back. I, and others, will.
But I also ask that when you see abuse, whether it's your neighbour or online, do something about it. The days when people "minded their own business" are in the rear-view mirror. We know silently witnessing abuse makes us complicit.
Speak up, create change
Saskatchewan men, we need you as allies now more than ever. You have the power to speak up when someone is intimidating or threatening a woman online. We're glad you all care about your daughters and sisters and your mother, but simply being related to a woman does not give you a free pass. Burying your head in the sand only encourages the loudest misogynists and trolls.
It's shocking that I have to state this as we're going into 2022, but women have an equal right to express their ideas and opinions, whether in traditional media, online or just at the breakfast table. Sometimes you may not agree with those ideas. Sometimes you may.
As a mother of two daughters, my biggest challenge is to make this a better world for them. I talk to my daughters, and my son, about the abuse women face online. They're old enough to understand hate and discrimination. Instead of seeing a woman reduced to tears and going silent, they see a woman standing up to face it once again.
Women being harassed online can't — and shouldn't — face it alone. If enough voices speak up, we can create change. We owe it to our daughters — and our sons — to try.
In 2022, let's work together to make the online social space a safe place for women. Stand beside us, amplify female voices, and report harassment and abuse when you see it.
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