Psychologist says pandemic complicates loss and grief

As Saskatchewan marks the two-year anniversary of the pandemic, more than 1,000 people with COVID-19 have died in the province. 

Loss during a pandemic can be complicated, especially when people haven't been able to gather as usual after a death, or to carry on traditions they normally would.

Noble Gullacher, known as "Butch" to those close to him, was the fourth known person to die of COVID-19 in Saskatchewan. He was 69. Noble's son, Paul, said he is so missed by his family. 

"It's nice that my children seem to have come to a really great place right now when it comes to fond memories and keeping him alive in their hearts," Paul told CBC Radio's Saskatoon Morning.

"I probably don't consider my own grief as much as I'm focused on managing their grief."

Paul said they did have a funeral, but not the one they had pictured. Plus, it was about 18 months after Noble had died. 

"But that was nice to bring some closure," Paul said. 

Marking loss differently

Vigils to remember those lost to COVID-19 are planned Saturday in Regina and Saskatoon. 

Dr. Phil Carverhill, past chair of the international work group on death, dying and bereavement, and a doctoral psychologist specializing in grief and loss in Saskatoon, said these vigils may help when it feels like the death of someone's loved one has not been recognized the way it normally would be. 

He said said that when someone dies in the midst of a pandemic, a war or a similar large-scale event, it can feel like the death is brushed over and not legitimized because there is so much going on.

"The fact that [COVID] has affected so many people globally is entirely unique," Carverhill said. 

"[A vigil] is a ritual of loss. It's an act of remembrance. And it also would be seen as mourning."

On the other hand, some may feel people who died from another cause during the pandemic seem swept to the side as well, he said.

Public conversation around COVID can also really impact a grieving person, Carverhill said. When there are insensitive comments about someone who has died of COVID, that can disenfranchise the person's loss and make them feel like "somehow it's not valid or it's not real."

"There again, one of the benefits of a vigil, of a community coming together, is to know and to realize you're not alone. Your loss is real, your loss is acknowledged, and so there's a validation there," he said. 

There are so many other kinds of losses that matter and that affect people, Carverhill said. Things like the loss of the ability to attend a wedding, a graduation, a loss of income, or not being able to visit someone in long-term care can really take a toll on people.

"I would borrow from the words of Fred Rogers … who at one point in time said, 'Making things mentionable makes them manageable,'" Carverhill said.

He said it's important to hear out people's feelings. 

"Being there, really being present for another person and actively really listening to their story."