It takes strength to say 'I need a break'

This piece was originally published on Oct. 20, 2019.

I used to lose my voice almost monthly. As an elementary school teacher, this was obviously causing a lot of turmoil in my life. 

Not only do I need my voice at work, I would lose a week of my life outside of it as well: no family interactions or social interactions. I remember sitting at my son's soccer game and I could not cheer or visit with other caregivers. Voice loss is isolating.

After losing my voice so many times, I sought medical help. I saw an ear-nose-throat specialist, speech therapist and counsellor, and discovered my voice loss was due to stress and vicarious trauma associated with my job. I knew teaching would involve stress, but I never imagined to what degree it would affect my health.

In a school setting, no day is the same. You could have an amazing lesson planned with a video and — poof — the power goes out. Now, 28 faces are staring you down wondering what's next.  Those same 28 students come to school with different learning styles and needs, and as an educator, you are trying to balance all of those. Traumatic events occur, too. Still, school staff put a smile on and keep the day moving as smoothly as possible. 

By doing this, we are denying our bodies natural and innate responses, simultaneously suppressing release. For me, many years of trying to balance students' needs and squashing natural reactions have impacted me through voice loss. My body found a way to let me know I needed to pay attention to it.

My work was reduced to half time while I sorted this out. I did not realize the amount of time, energy and vulnerability that is required to become well. What I discovered is that it takes a great deal of strength to say I need a break, I am stressed or I need to look after me.

I did not want to be perceived as weak and unable to do my job. My co-workers were not losing their voices, so what was wrong with me? Voice loss was easy to lie about. I called it "voice strain." I was able to hide behind that, speech therapy, and every other day off to rest my voice.

Thanks to the wonderful support of my counsellor, speech therapist, friends, family, and my husband, I was able to realize I am OK. I am a person who feels, and my body has a way of telling me when I need to focus on me. 

Having that support allowed me to share my story after six months back at work. I was scared of my co-workers' reactions, but I reminded myself that we are all on our own journeys and for whatever reason, my body decides to tell me in this way when my stress level is getting too high.

My co-workers are wonderful. A new work culture is now being created. We are able to discuss feeling overwhelmed, to ask for help, and share with each other. We created a Wellness Committee at school and have received a grant from Nutrien to assist us with our work. We have added a snack bowl and plants to the staff room, share uplifting quotations daily, organize team-building activities, celebrate birthdays, and have created a Rejuvenation Room at school for staff and students.

There are many things out of our control in education but the one thing we do have control over is our wellness. If we are well, we are better able to give to our students.

Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.- Eleanor Brown, author

I remember my family doctor asking me "You're not giving it up yet?" And my counsellor asked me, when I said to her, "I'm living my dream. I've always wanted to be a teacher," if my dream included being stressed to point I had no voice. I have debated the impact of a career in education on my well-being. 

At this point in my journey, though, I am able to identify when my stress level is getting too high. I realize I am in control of my wellness. I have found more joy in my life. I feel well enough, have solid enough coping strategies and support, that I plan to continue teaching.

This column is part of CBC's Opinion section. For more information about this section, please read this editor's blog and our FAQ.

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