Out In The Open

When the grandparent becomes the parent

‘I never was a grandparent like other people are’
When Bernadine Fox became a grandparent, she quickly realised she wasn't like the other grandparents she knew.

Bernadine Fox had big plans for her life after her two daughters left home. 

"I was going to go to Concordia [University in Montreal] and finish an M.F.A. and continue on being an artist."

Instead, at age 42, she became a grandmother. And, it didn't take long before she realised she wasn't like other grandparents. 

"Other grandparents … you get to enjoy them and give them back and you get to see them every once in a while, and you hand them back without concern. 
Bernadine Fox

"And at some point I realised I wasn't able to hand this child back without that concern." 

Bernadine's daughter, the mother of the child, was addicted to drugs. Bernadine eventually went to court to get custody of her grandchild.

"As the parent, your focus is on supporting your child. You're not taking their child away from them, you are supporting them by taking care of this child while they get themselves together. 

"It's going to be six weeks, and then it was going to be six months, and it's now been 15 years."

Her grandchild, Avi, is 17-years-old now. Bernadine says the biggest part of her reinvention and the hardest thing she's had to do was take her support away from her daughter. 

"Because my daughter was not willing to recognize that my grandchild was in danger, I had to shift my support away from my daughter to supporting and protecting my grandchild from my daughter. And it is one of the most unnatural things to do as a parent, to simply remove that support from this person who is your child." 

So what has it taken for Bernadine to reinvent herself all over again as a parent? 

"A willingness to be open. I never expected to parent my grandchild."

She says despite the challenges, it's been an amazing experience. 

"Raising my grandchild … has been an absolute joy."